Many fathers worry about their bond with their child fading after divorce. This is a difficult time for everyone and especially for the child. There are a multitude of variations on how custody could be split between father and mother after divorce and we are going to discuss some tips that can help keep the father bond from fading after divorce.
For starters, with the child in mind, don’t be scared to try and get more custody of your child. I have not come across any statistics that show mothers being the better parent. It used to be that society favored the mother, however, we may be seeing that change. Fathers are just as capable to raise and love their children.
- Setting rules – rules need to be consistent at both places, of course this isn’t always possible but do the best you can. Don’t be too hard on the child during this time. Help them to adjust to the new arrangement.
- Both places of residence should feel like home to the child. Dad’s house should not take on the feel as a place that the child is merely visiting. Have your own set of clothes, toys, and other things for the child.
- Spend quality time with your child as often as possible. When they are with you – read to them, watch a movie together, or play a game. Arrange your schedule to fit their needs; you can put off doing your stuff until they are tucked in bed.
- They will cry for mom on occasion, especially if they are overly tired, in trouble, or doing something they don’t want to do. Chances are they do it at their mom’s place too. Don’t take it personal.
- Have a routine when they are at your house. Dinner, bath, and bed should be part of the routine. Have a certain night you take the kids out for dinner or an ice cream cone at Dairy Queen.
- When the children are at mom’s house call them just to say, “hi” and tell them about your day. Sometimes they may say, “they don’t want to talk to you.” Again it isn’t personal – they are just in the middle of something. Many times they will talk and talk and talk until you have to tell them to go play. By calling them often you are being part of their routine even when you aren’t there. This is a good way to take an active role in your child’s life.
These are some good ways to stay connected with your child after divorce. The most important thing they need to know is that you love them. If you are uncertain whether they know that then ask them, “Do you know your daddy loves you?” They will tell you. Don’t be a Disney Land dad – be a dad that wants to raise healthy, happy, successful children. Participate in their lives, go to school events, pick them up every time you are supposed too, show them they can talk to you, and connect with them while they are at their mom’s. Doing these things will help keep that bond between you and your children strong after divorce.