For several years I have had full custody of my precious daughter, a couple years ago I remarried and have watched the family dynamics change. I am no longer the favorite; when it is bed time my daughter wants her step mom to read to her, tell her a story and pick out tomorrow’s clothes. I’ve kind of been etched out but that is okay, I still get my time with the kid and wife plus the joy of watching them interact, laugh and play. They both get along so well and there is genuine love between them.
My daughter gets to see her real mother every other weekend, which was decided by her through the choices she made, past and present. Our daughter misses her mother, which is completely understandable, and sometimes she perceives me as the bad guy because I am her primary parent and she “has” to be with me MORE. But wait, I thought this article was about step mom appreciation… well I am getting there. Sometimes I wonder if this perception is also being imposed upon my wife.
To My Wife the Underappreciated Step Mom
Introduce the wonderful step mom, the person that holds this family together, teaching us right from wrong. Her patience for both me and child overflow and is evident by her love. She embraces her role as step mom by doing all the motherly things nearly 7 days per week. Dance lessons, skating lessons, making sure appropriate clothes are worn to school, getting to the bus on-time and not to mention her love, compassion, brilliance and gentleness. The struggle comes when all this effort and love is given to the child and instead of appreciation she says, “I want to be with my mom.” To this 8-year old everything her mom says is golden and to see her is as good as Disney Land but for a step mom that provides 24/7 care there doesn’t seem to be any appreciation.
Wife, I know you know the child isn’t your “real” daughter yet you continue to love her, nurture her and protect her just the same. Even when you have tears in your eyes because of the hurtful things that come from a child’s mouth; like, “I wish my mom and dad would get back together and you could be my nanny.” Ouch! But then again it could be taken as a compliment, right? What I see sometimes is a child, a spoiled child, at times that doesn’t understand how to express her feelings.
I know when she grows up she will appreciate everything you have given her. Sure you will have to make it through the teenage years and we will both be the enemy at times but the good thing is; we will be in it together. Your love for my daughter doesn’t go un-noticed and the way you have embraced us into your life only makes me love you more.