Tag Archives: divorce and children

Children Come First

When couples separate or divorce it is critical to put together a shared parenting plan that meets the CHILD’s needs, not yours! Over the years research has shown that children from divorce will negatively be impacted. It is challenging for parents to decide how they will divide the time with their children. They fear the loss of their relationship and they are also concerned about the negative impact it will have. They couldn’t agree on things while they were together how much more difficult will it be when the most precious thing in their lives is taken into consideration?

This is the time where emotion, hate, bitterness, anger, hurt, and selfishness needs to be put aside. We know that children do their best when they have stability with both parents and meaningful interaction with them – divorce and separation can take that away.

Co-Parenting – What Children Need

  • Children do their best when both parents have a stable and meaningful involvement in their children’s lives.
  • Each parent has valuable and different contributions to make to their children’s development.
  • Children should have structured, routine time as well as unstructured time with each parent.
  • If both parents work then it is important to find a daycare provider that you both can agree on, one that is easily accessible to both parents.
  • Children have developed relationships with family members, friends, and siblings – it is important for them to be able to maintain these relationships in a positive manner.
  • Parents need to be able to communicate and cooperate when it involves their children.
  • Both households should feel secure to the children and share the same rules and values.
  • Allow your children to bring personal items from one place to the other without worrying about who bought what.
  • Over time, parenting plans may need to be adjusted to better suit the children and family members’ needs.

Remember This

Children are HARMED when they are exposed to conflict between their parents. Don’t argue or fight in front of your children when picking them up or talking on the phone when they can hear you.

The Essense of Good Parenting…

Is to reassure your children that they are loved, cared for and protected by BOTH parents.

References:
Massachusetts Association of Family and Conciliation Courts

Staying Together for the Kids

As I was thumbing through an issue of Parenting Magazine I came across a survey that discussed whether or not unhappy couples should stay together for the sake of the kids. Not that I found the results surprising as much as the question itself. Twenty one percent said stay together, seventy nine percent said “no”.

If you are going to live together for the sake of the kids why not go all the way and fix your marriage with your spouse? If you are putting your children first wouldn’t that be the best solution? In the United States the divorce rate is said to be as high as 50 percent, higher for second marriages. It makes sense that, this being the case, children from many of these divorced couples are making the same mistakes. The only way to break the cycle is to start by fixing our marriages.

I don’t see how staying together for the sake of the children is the right thing to do unless you are going to aggressively work on your marriage. What does it say to your children when mom and dad don’t sleep in the same room or show love and affection to one another? Children are smart and they will know something is missing and they may lack the skills involved in having a healthy relationship with others because they don’t have a good role model at home.

I hope I don’t sound like I am condoning divorce, in fact, the opposite is true. Divorce has devastating effects on all parties, especially the children. The point is that we need to be living examples of what we want our children to be.

As parents, either living together or not, it is our responsibility to provide a loving, secure, and conflict free environment for your children.